Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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