Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
