It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You may now shotgun with the bride
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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