so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize