We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
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I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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