We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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