I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
