Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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