If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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