We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
