her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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