they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
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Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
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Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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