I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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