I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
