weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Randomize
