I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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