The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
