everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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