Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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