East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the condom got lost in my hair
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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