is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
