Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
