No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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