Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
