Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
