So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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