I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
