what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize