I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
