yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i permit you to call me
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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