How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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