Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
