Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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