I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
