i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
did you just send me my own nude
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
