I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
