He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
