I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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