margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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