; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize