Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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