he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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