she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
