Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I looked at my own cervix.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
