The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
