We're like a lot better than the average bears
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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