Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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