People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
not ubering you a puppy
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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