after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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