hell yes lets make some ravioli
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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