Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
