Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
