I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
