There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
