I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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