so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
