dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
