I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
