im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
