also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
