Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
