Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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